So why doesn't everyone do it? Not everyone should. Mediation is a process that requires honesty and transparency. So, when one or the other is playing "hide the ball", it won't work. The process also requires cooperation, even collaboration. By the time some couples get to the point where the COULD use mediation, some spouses or parents are so hostile toward one another that the thought of getting along through the separation process is just as foreign as a full-blown reconciliation. Open hostility, and to a lesser extent nagging suspicions of dishonesty can make mediation a poor choice.
Lastly, mediation in cases involving children requires both parents focus on what's best for the children, often to the exclusion of what that parent wants for him / herself. When each parent already has his / her defenses up, it's natural for the the parent's thinking to be, well, about self. Many are able to convince themselves that themselves that what's good for them is also good for the children. Sometimes that true, sometimes it's not. The point is, objectivity can be hard to muster. Understandably so.
The best candidates for mediation are a couple with mature, child-centered dispositions, able to look beyond their own preferences for the best interests of their children. They are able to work with, instead of against, one another to resolve conflicts involving custody, support and property issues effectively, and at less cost than if each hires an attorney and litigates.
Posts
